I went out last night, still a little drunk I must confess
what is it ok to confess?, not everything that would render life sucky
and why is the right path not simply the easiest, as though life is somehow trying to test us??
Thoughts?!!

Sunday:)

I was at jess 18th birthday party last night, perhaps had my usual problem of drinking too much too quickly But whatever, I think I maybe got a bit annoyingly emotional and drunk, and anything that happened after 8....forget it.,....I don't remember. Still this said, what I do remember of my night was really enjoyable, I got to wear a dress which rarely happens to be honest, and got to see dave dressed smart, which looked good:) Best part of my night was waking up to dave kissing me, so sweet so sensual, definitely feels like heaven...the best way to be woken up. His kisses mean the world to me, I feel so lucky to be the one who gets them:) Was working in the chip shop tonight too, the usual dull dreary work, however made slightly better by the fact nothing can actually make me feel down today....because I woke up next to the man I love...and know its safe to do so:)...Im gonna end now before this entry becomes overpacked with soppiness

My Fucked up mentality...is well....fucked up

I sometimes wonder why I think the way I do. My thoughts are generally biased. When I meet people, instead of looking for the good in them (as I always used to do) my first instinct is to purposefully try to find something wrong with them, something I can use as an excuse not to trust them. Its silly really isn't it?....if you look hard enough you can find some reason to distrust everyone. And it seems that this is what Im getting closer and closer to doing. Because if the only person you trust is yourself then at least your never going to be let down by "loved ones". I know its not the best method to go at it in life alone but to me seems to be the safest. I have no guts to do what I should, I know what I should be doing in life and what I should be asking ....but to keep myself safe...I refrain from daring to do anything. At the moment I can't help but have so much on my mind.,.its driving me mental...I have exams, lectures and living my life to deal with, let alone my worries about the people in my life......so next time you ask If Im ok....Im going to just say yes. Because Im pretty sure no-one wants to hear this shit.

First blog

This is my first blog on this site, the first one that perhaps other people will read and definitely the first where I am not completely anonymous. To be honest I really don't know what to write. Its meant to be about my life and my thoughts and stuff. In some ways, Im quite a paranoid person. I don't place too much trust on the people in my lufe. I see it as being better that way because when they let you down at least it won't hurt so much. The minute you get attached to someone in my opinion its only a matter of time before you get brought down to earth with a thump, and my god it hurts so I say best to avoid the pain in the long run. I've gotten close to people before, and for some reason they always end up disappointing me. Everytime I try so hard and give my all to someone it seems to backfire on me. Well hopefully not this time. I've finally found someone whom (I think) will be there for me all the time and who loves me for me and not for who I appear to be. well time will tell....end of blog for now......Im just babbling:P